Turmoil

There are those of us whom are warriors living life in solitude. Those of us surpassed by the oblivious until its convienient for them, however they never SEE us. They want the outside they want what the see in us as freedom forever looking past the pain and anguish that befalls us and comprises our lives. We fight their wars, battles, take insults, live oppressed and dwell in the shadows. Is this the path, my destiny, my future. ?????

two days before elijah's bday

Yet another day has been ruined for one reason or another. And having to act like i'm okay with it. It's always at the expense of me seeing my daughter..... i'm sick of this b ullshit.. I'm Sick of the pain... I'm sick OF trusting When I'm it's been for nothing....... Now a lil daughter not able to neglect put in the past of retrospect and regret.
My heart aches at the loss of my son in my life on a daily basis. TRUST is overrated...
I cant stand feeling like an empty shell any longer................ i dont want to cry anymore.. elijah i haven't seen you in over two years.. i die more everyday!

Blah

How do you know, the pleasure & pain, all that has happened in past and future, the strive to maintain, the blood taken and tears wept, its 2009 still can't remember when I last slept, giving of all self, sacrafice for children and family, its all be taken, lay down the bullshit and keep thinking

Alicia and Lilly Ross

Another weekend goes by.

Dreams

I will no longer fool myself, I had a dream once and that dream has gone from me. I will no longer strive for that dream. I know now that family is unobtainable. I have children but I am not meant to raise eithe of them. I will love them but no longer try

Just having a child with Alicia. After 2 and 1/2 years now you would think I have earned a Lil respect. Instead I'm given the cold shoulder and treated like shit by them. You would think Alicia would stick up for me but I know she doesn't. Its exactly the same as it was when I got married. I don't fit or belong with anyone. They are all liars and backstabbers

Lilly doesn't even feel like she is my child!

Two accidents later finally changed

Again
My little Lilly!