Dreams

I will no longer fool myself, I had a dream once and that dream has gone from me. I will no longer strive for that dream. I know now that family is unobtainable. I have children but I am not meant to raise eithe of them. I will love them but no longer try

Just having a child with Alicia. After 2 and 1/2 years now you would think I have earned a Lil respect. Instead I'm given the cold shoulder and treated like shit by them. You would think Alicia would stick up for me but I know she doesn't. Its exactly the same as it was when I got married. I don't fit or belong with anyone. They are all liars and backstabbers

Lilly doesn't even feel like she is my child!

Two accidents later finally changed

Again
My little Lilly!

Lilly Elizabeth Ross

I live inside of this insanity and chaos of my brain. I'm supposed to be happy my Lil just born leaves hospital today. However she won't be livin with me; another one. Alicia was supposed to move in, we is together. Signed a lease and then two days later just decided to not want to, and leave me fucked by myself. It takes every part of me to not cry everyday. I feel so betrayed. I no longer trust anyone but long to feel close to someone. My heart dies a little more each day as I miss my son, Elijah. His mother enjoys the fact I can't see him. Don't ever let anyone tell you that. It is not only white people who don't care!

And now Lilly Elizabeth Ross. My new baby daughter I feel a knife in my back everytime I walk away from her mother, different from my ex wife but everything else is the same. I almost can't contain today. How come I'm never wanted? To be a parent totally means a life of sacrafice, but its not supposed to be at the expense of my heart; is it? No one understands how much I love my children. I thought God was supposed to intervene in these situations. Today even though a miracle has been graced upon us again I feel only sadness.
----- how special a child, how beautiful the miracle, how sad the heart, selfishness and one sided, prolific I am, she is born a queen, the world once before seen, a king named Elijah, princess Lilly . Cute and silly, heartbeat so calm and ready to take the world on. Everyone has what they want. I'm just supposed to be the bigger person. I don't want to today. I want to weep and scream, will I ever find her, please wake me from this dream-------

Lilly 8/20/09

Lillys first day in world, living healthy. She is 2nd child. Have a boy named Elijah, now a daughter.

An addicts cry for redemption

Today I sit and watch the clouds flow thru the sky, as I'm day 3 clean and sober, I want to get high. I want love I want solitude, I don't want pain I just want to cry. Escape thru self medication, escape thru loss of self and meditation, have and can obtain them both at present anytime I choose, now I fight for life and my own to not lose, for that which belongs not to me, I must live so my childen elijah 6 almost seven, and born tomorrow , daughter lilly will be able to see!

Eternal sin!

I have bathed in eternal sin, I have traveled up one road and back down again, cocaine and midnight dreams, easy money and splendor, none which it seems, no one to guide, no one to receive love, forever walking away from that one above, from sweats to fasts, to afternoon delight, searching again for that whom or might be right, denying myself and endulging my desire, hoping at once to quench my own fire, to stay clean now is a dream a goal I hope to obtain, its only me now first I must maintain. Ramble and rant vent and rage, I'm done with this shit , watch out world I've unlocked my own cage!

Osiris

Today I rise from the ashes, viewed by smirks and ones with two colored sashes, internal unrest, fake friends with glocks and a vest, those who want to fight, my fight for child to envoke my right, somewhere on the path I was hit and lost my sight. Today I read just now while its hot in my town of 11 years now, Denver. A police officer was shot. Has it all changed. I hear the cries looked up two F 15's just soared thru the skies. Still can't stop the voices or the shrieks in the night. Tomorrow my daughter named lilly is born,

A new path to get right!

Befor lillys birth!

I am Aaron born leader, I'm tattooed and worth my weight in gold, I make no compromise for my soul is neither bought or sold, I'm warrior soaked, I intelligent, and always cloaked, I'm not confused , its others who can't see, for I'm bound to all and owned by none, I need no weapons, my hands are registered I carry no gun, I wait for the time, for this land is wasted and done, I hear the laughter of the children in heaven, and that is my fun. I will Change this world for I'm hear to stay, end to beginning and beginning to end. I'm the warrior spirit and I never bend, many bounce and break fallin to the river bed, not confused, disillusioned is disappointed , u weep and feel all pain even in silence. I master the internal battle while calming my violence.

Selah. We are I and I is he, he is us, for now I can see!